さあ想い出して

Been coding a little at a revamp of the journal layout, which I'm super excited to use once the new month starts. It's mostly done now, so I'm just tweaking the little things. Next I want to start working on an OC page for my Fixer characters. This time, I want to try coding everything from scratch instead of picking out layouts and modifying those.

The last couple of days BF and I have worked together on a group of OCs. It has me super excited! I don't build OCs with others very often, because I'm usually super awkward about it. BF has been my TTRPG GM for the entire duration of our relationship now, and even talking to him about my characters always made me feel super cringe about myself. But I'm finally coming into my own here. We used this method as a jump-off point, and it's been a huge help getting started from scratch. I had a vague idea for two of the characters, but one character we started building without any basis. I think I've fallen in love with all of them equally. It's very exciting to draw them and figure out their dynamics. Can't wait to post more about them!!!

Yesterday my super 'spensive dress also finally arrived. It was the first time I ordered a custom-sized dress, which made the price quite steep. Sadly it turned out a little big, but honestly? It was still super worth the price. I'm working out a solution for this with the seller right now, and they're pretty nice about it. Overall, the dress-fabric is super nice, overall it's super comfy and has such a beautiful cut. It was this dress I bought. I'm hoping to wear it to a convention in the summer. Until then, I need to build my coord. There's a top I want to use for this, but I'll first have to buy it. Sadly, I don't have many ideas right now for what to go after. But I think that'll be no problem. Right now, I want to figure out the sizing issue.

Got a long weekend waiting for me again! The past week has been a see-saw of playing Tears of the Kingdom and developing my characters. Perhaps I'll just keep doing that during the weekend. Also, I'm hoping to get back to reading "The Maiden called Hero or Monster". For a while now I've put it on hiatus, but I really wanna get back into it and stop my japanese knowledge from declining. I also kind of miss the book and the characters.

In other news, I also got a raise! It's kind of small, but it's better than nothing. It comes just in time, because BFs sister announced she'll have a wedding in july, and we still have A LOT of financial planning to do. Meh :( But oh well. Bossman also confirmed my vacation days, so that's neat at least.

For 8 years now I've been having this reoccuring dream, in which I have to go back to school for "one last thing". A last exam, a last subject, a last class, a last repeated year... My life up until now is always borrowed time in those dreams, and once I return to school I have to finish this one last thing so I can return and start my life proper. These "one last things" usually are subjects I was always bad at (chemistry, maths, physics), or they were exams about topics I'm really good at, but where I know my writing skills have degraded at. There's always an element of the unknown in these dreams, as I'm never sure whether I'll be able to finish and return to my current life, instead being posed with the threat that I will have to redo another year at school. These dreams would always leave me panicked when waking up, and I always regarded them as some of my worst nightmares.
In the beginning these dreams led to me panicking and having an anxiety attack. In the last 4 or so years I've been managing to remind myself with increasing frequency that school life is behind me, and I do not need to worry abou these things anymore. I calm myself down by reminding myself that I am no longer bound by strickt schedules, exams and deadlines. Those dreams usually end right after I make this clear to myself. The illusion dissipates just like that. But tonight I had a strange variation on this.
In my dream, I went to my old class to work with my classmates on one last project. They were enrolled in school, and already did amazing progress on the project. I was in awe at the work they managed to do. I looked fondly at even the classmates I remember hating. I joked around with them, apologized to one of them, and helped with the project. Until one of my friends whom I had a falling out with in middle school and where the friendship never quite recovered, looked at me and went: "You never have time to visit us anymore. Ever since you've started working, you're leaving us behind."
And it was odd. It felt like my dreams were calling out to me and telling me off. I often felt like those dreams were a foreign element in my psyche, tryin to get me to fall for them. And when I didn't, they would pout and kick me out of my sleep. Feeling my dreams communicate with me so directly felt very, very strange. Still does. I'm not sure what to think about this. I'm kind of melancholic about it.

GOD what a week it's been and it's only Wednesday. I'm incredibly tired. I forgot my verification token for logging into my work VPN at my parents when we went to dogsit Emma. Last week it was fine, I just called up my mother to give me the code and I was able to log in. On Friday we figured she'd sent it out early in the morning so that it would definitely arrive by Monday. WRONG. It arrived today!!

This past week and a half has been pretty stressful because of the end of the fiscal year. Had to get a lot done in a very short amount of time as just one person. I usually go in on Mondays for work so it lined up fine with me, because I had to get a lot done and I get a lot done best at work. Even did a little bit of overtime. On Tuesday the token still wasn't there, so I figured I'd ask IT about maybe getting a temporary token so I could work from home. IT guy however took this as a great chance to rant at me about how everybody always bothers them about unnecessary extra work and so on and so forth. Insinuated that I always come in for menial things (I don't, this was the second time in my time working there that I talked to them). And essentially gave me a "no". Which is fine, but man did he make my blood boil.

Work yesterday kept piling up, and I realized way too late I had to take care of an important thing, which resulted in me doing even more overtime. It takes me almost an hour from work to get back home, so I was home really late. I was so tired and in a bad mood. Usually I just let my bad mood happen and be grumpy for a while, but I consciously decided that that day, I would just return to my boyfriend and appreciate and cherish the evening we had. It was a blessing seeing him again. In the end I did just end up working more on my website, but it was still nice.

This week all my hobbies kind of felt by the wayside so far, so I'm hoping to get back to doing fun stuff starting tomorrow. The fiscal year is over and now I just need to do clean up work. Even had a good talk with my coworker who always gives me headache and managed to resolve a lot of stuff. I hope I get to draw more again, and on Friday Tears of the Kingdom arrives. Super excited!! I also wanna do more Limbus stuff again!!!! I miss drawing and talking about my blorbos!!! I miss it so much!!!!

We spent the extended weekend at my parents, mostly because they asked us to babysit Emma on Friday and the 1st of May always holds a huge flea market in my hometown. So we decided to stay around for that. We did catch some neat finds! I got another one for the artbook collection hehe

It would have also been my grandmas birthday that weekend, so I joined my mother in visiting the cemetery with her. I was kind of surprised to see how much the cemetery has been emptying out in terms of graves. It seems like most people are now choosing cremataion instead of burial, which I do get. Still, it was strange seeing the cemetery I had spend so much time at as a child looking at the sheer endless lots of graves becoming so empty. But at least the weather had been nice.

My mother also made us some nice cocktails just because. It's been fun visiting her recently because our relationship has gotten a lot better. So now we often like to drink cocktails together.

Today it's back to work. It's already proving to be an exhausting week due to the fiscal year ending and everything needing to be finished quick. But I'm hoping to accumulate some overtime to use for free time later. Today I also ordered a new dress! Very anxious but excited for it

Today was a beautiful day! I woke up sorta early (9am) and got a little coding on the website. I added a wardrobe of my lolita outfits and tweaked some other smaller things. Boyfriend also got up early and he got to make us french toast. I had to ask a neighbour for milk for the french toast. I don't really talk to our neighbours, and I never know which to ask. This time I talked to a nice man who gave me the rest of his milk. Definitely helped our breakfast!

Today we had two goals:

Goal 1 went sorta okay. Turns out they didn't accept most of the books we put in. I guess we'll throw the rest out. I'll see what we can do with it. Goal 2 was a success! We got a very nice forest berry milkshake and cranberry chocolate cake. It was kind of expensive, but it was worth it. I've lived here for almost 8 years now and I've never sat in this cafe, despite constantly passing it by on my walks. I'm glad I finally got to do this. In the future we want to go for it more often and I'm really looking forward to it. We had to go home pretty quickly after because I'm lactose intolerant.

Ultimately it was a very nice opportunity for taking a walk. The day started off with nice sunny weather, but once we left the house it started to rain. It quickly stopped however and everything became really humid. We saw parts of other neighbourhoods we don't usually see, and it made me a bit jealous. The houses looked so nice, the gardens were all a little cramped but looked so cozy and lovely. So many beautiful flowers were planted. I want that too. I'd love to have a garden. Once we got home a small thunder storm started and it was really pleasant sitting by the open window listening to the rain.

I also got to wear a casual coord! Yesterday I was cleaning up and went through my lolita clothes again. It made me want to wear lolita again, so today was the perfect opportunity. I also found out that sales for the local convention in august started up. I'm really excited to go! Until then I'd like to create another coord to wear on one of the multiple days we're going to. For now I'm keeping an eye on the Lady Sloth shop.

Todays coord!